A lot of information exists about how to respond to sexual abuse once it has been discovered. But the best way
of protecting children from harm is to be aware of the behaviours that can lead to sexual abuse before it occurs.
These behaviours are called ‘grooming’. Organisations with unclear boundaries around contact with children
can be magnets to people who wish to ‘groom’ children for sexual abuse (1). By learning about the strategies
used to ‘groom’ children and their families and recognising them as inappropriate behaviours in your service
you create an environment that will deter infiltration by sexual abusers (2).
Sexual abuse thrives in secrecy and ignorance. By being alert to potential danger signs, we are better able
to understand the steps we can take to keep children as safe as possible.
What is “Grooming?”
Sexual abusers are often people we know; more than 8 out of 10 children (3) who are sexually abused know
their abuser. They may hold responsible positions in their local community, and can be personable or
charismatic. Abusers come from all classes, ethnic and religious backgrounds and may be heterosexual or
homosexual. Whilst a high percentage of abusers are men, some are also women (4). You cannot pick an
abuser out in a crowd, however you can identify behaviour that precipitates abuse. This behaviour is known as
‘grooming’ and research shows us that it can occur for up to 12 months before the actual sexual abuse take
place (5).
Grooming is defined as communication with a child where this is an intention to meet and commit a sex offence
(6). More generally it can be seen as the process by which an individual manipulates those around them –
particularly, but not exclusively, the child – to provide opportunities to abuse and reduce the likelihood of being
reported or discovered.
Research suggests that this process can be very deliberate, and while it can occur over a long period of time,
sometimes this period of time is much shorter; there may not be any conscious motivation to sexually abuse a
child until just before the abuse occurs. In both cases, there are often opportunities to observe and intervene,
even before the would-be abuser is fully aware of what may become sexual intentions.
Unfortunately, identifying sexual grooming of children isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes sexual abuse
occurs as part of a pre-existing relationship in which there is genuine affection, which makes it a complex issue.
But there are often clear signs that can be detected before the abuse occurs.
How Do People Groom Children for Sexual Abuse?
• By getting close to children – child sex offenders will often seek out adults and groom them in order to get
access to their children. The sex offender can create a relationship built on trust or dependency and gain
access to the children through it. Some befriend parents or carers who are facing difficulties or who are
vulnerable themselves.
• By silencing children – people who want to sexually abuse children may:
- offer them gifts or treats, and sometimes combine these with threats about what will happen if the child says
‘no’ or tells someone
- threaten them with exclusion from their peer group or loss of favour if they do not comply
- make the child afraid of being hurt physically, or threaten what may happen to other people if the child tells
- play on the child’s embarrassment or guilt about what is happening, perhaps convincing them that no one will
believe them
- make the child believe he or she wanted it to happen.
Signs An Adult May Be Grooming a Child for Sexual Abuse:
There may be cause for concern about the behaviour of an adult or young person if they:
1. Exhibit frequent physical affection such as kissing, hugging, stroking hair or wrestling even when the
child clearly does not want it or it is not required.